I'm a failure, that is the truth. I failed at everything that mattered in life. I fail at establishing and maintaining any relationships. I had so many friends back in high school, but I failed to maintain contact with them. They wanted me to hang out, chat, play online games with them, but I always refused due to fear. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I fail at establishing any romantic relationship. The closest thing to one was a summer emotional fling, and when she finally told me she was in love with me, I simply walked away because of my fear, uncertainty, and indecisiveness. Idiot, moron, imbecile! I had so many chances at a relationship, but I always screw it up somehow. I blew it, I blew my chances at a decent life, a normal life. Thinking about Dr. Hu's life made me imagine myself in her position and I couldn't sleep last night because of it. Deep down inside, I know that my chances of ending up in her position is extremely high. No, not even in her position, at least she accomplished a lot academically and professionally. I am nothing.
God, why can't my life end. If it wasn't for my family, and my strong sense of duty and obligation towards them, I would've ended my own life a long time ago.
This man saw the truth, the light, and the darkness that was descending upon him, so he decided to end it.
http://cutedeadguys.net/showthread.php?9713-21-year-old-man-from-Sweden-hangs-himself-on-webcam
Someday I might be like Dr. Hu, and when that happens, I'll be him.
Addendum to objectives: Gather financial resources for family, keep modifying behavior, develop stronger personality and interests. If you are not married by 35, terminate yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment