Valentine's Day Blues, Missed Opportunities, Reaffirmation of Objectives

I think I know why I'm so nostalgic now.  I have the Valentine's day blues.  Seeing everyone coupling up and being all happy and stuff is making me seriously depressed.  It's not just about not being in a romantic relationship, it's about being emotionally and psychologically alone.  I could have been friends with Ian, but I never expressed my appreciation towards him for his kindness.  I could have been in a relationship with Julie, but I held a stupid grudge against her for a year.  I could have been in a relationship with Julia, but I kept pushing her away for a year.  Speaking of Julia, she hasn't been in accounting for this week.  I thought she was sick at first, but I saw her in Econ 120B on Tuesday and I saw her again today talking to someone.  I guess she is sick, sick of seeing me, thinking that I rejected her.

I always do things or change my mind at the last minute, at the eleventh hour.  I always have so many opportunities thrown at me, but I always keep changing my mind over and over again.  By the time I make a choice, the opportunity is gone.

It's time to reaffirm my objectives.  When I came to UCSD, I made a personal vow that I won't have any emotional attachments to anyone here.  I vowed to complete my schooling and graduate as soon as possible.  I vowed not to fall for someone and end up missing them after I graduate.  I was wrong.  My vows do not keep me safe or happy, it slowly drains away my life and happiness.  My vows are now this:

• Do well in school and graduate as soon as possible
• Work out, lose weight, stay fit and muscular
• If there is a potential for friendship/relationship, then go for it, worry about how it will end later

I've been listening to this lately:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIIA3NKqebg

No other song I have ever listened to have been simultaneously so simple, yet so elegant.  If my emotions could be translated into music, this would be it.

Note to self:  Always take any opportunity thrown at you.  Be more decisive and be more quicker when making a choice.  Go with the flow, don't think about what if.  Don't be so formal, be more personable.