I have been thinking a bit about Shannon lately. I really wish I didn't screw up that conversation I had with her. Oh, what could have been Anyway, Shannon is merely a symptom of my bigger problem. My problem is the inability and unwillingness to initiate contact with women. As an INTJ and social anxiety sufferer, I am so unfamiliar and afraid of relationships and intimacy that I simply avoid it. The closest thing to a relationship that I ever had was with Katherine and I consider that a fluke. I think I subconsciously saw her as a little sister which is why I was so relaxed around her. Considering the psychological position I'm in, I'm actually lucky to have the looks and physique to attract women towards me. Even then, my stupidity and my fear, keeps on rejecting them, keep pushing them away. I can think up of so many instances where girls would chase after me, but I would reject them, not out of thinking I'm better, but because of my fear. It happens time and time again, but I fear that one day my looks will fade and my physique will become obsolete, then what will I have left? I need to push forward to develop my personality, and to eliminate my fear. Other wise, I'm doomed to nothingness.
Note to self: Don't be afraid of women, don't reject women, maintain relations with women even you're not attracted to them, treat them as though they are another guy and actively pursue women if she is interested.
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