Okay, this is kind of freaking me out. Random people I have never met before keep saying hi and waving to me. First this girl saw me through my window one night and waved to me, I kept looking at her dumbfounded. The next day some guy waves to me and I slightly wave back. I looked behind me to see if he was waving to someone else, he wasn't. A bunch of servers and cashiers at Oceanview Terrace keep saying, "weren't you here earlier?" or "didn't I tell you to get your card replaced?" Then this big Asian guy today said hey what's up to me near Geisel Library even though I never met him before. I simply gave him a confused look and said hi back. Is there someone on campus who looks exactly like me? Really odd stuff is going on.
I've been reflecting back a bit today. I realize that the relationships I have with others aren't as deep as I want is because I'm the one to push them away. If I had actually let go of my hatred and vengefulness, Phoebe and I would have had lunch and be closer and this whole avoidance bullshit wouldn't have happened. The situation with Mazza is a lot more complicated. If I wasn't so damn weird during the summer when I was living with him, maybe he and I would be closer friends. Maybe. He is pretty introverted so I don't know. I still wish I was closer with my friends in high school. They wanted me to get on AIM to chat or hang out, but I was too afraid due to the damn anxiety. And of course with Katherine, sigh, she and I could have been... something. Looking at the past, I now see my mistakes, hopefully I can change for the future. Hopefully. Clean slate, tabula rasa.
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