Mentos

I love mentos and apparently they have a rainbow mentos stick now.  Most of the flavors in it are good, but the pineapple flavor is horrible, and they multiple of them too.

Note to self:  Never buy rainbow mentos ever again.

Logic alteration

I am risk averse, too risk averse.  In some situations though.  It's really odd when I'm behind a computer screen or anonymous, I somehow become extremely daring.  I'm currently managing my parents' retirement account and  I'm literally playing around with thousands of dollars, but I'm extremely bold and risk taking.  On the other hand, when I'm in front of people, I become extremely risk averse.  This situation with Julia and any other girl shows it. It's time to change it, it's time to take a chance.  I'm going to alter my core logic.
Altering to:
If new opportunities come up = take chance, make move, then plan.

Oh, and I finally managed to find out Hispanic dude's name today, he's Alfonso.  I saw him today talking on the phone while I was walking to the market.  He didn't even wave, he was actually trying to avoid eye contact.  Cutting ties.

Note to self:  Improvise more, jump in without planning, and always take any opportunity that presents itself.

Zero declared, redouble efforts

After a day of deliberation, zero relations probability with Julia is now official.  It's over.  My intuition told me that week three was my final window of opportunity and I missed it.  There is nothing left to salvage.  On Thursday of week three was the final time she was looking at me then looking down in disappointment.  Week four was when I asked her if she wants something to eat and she displayed residual attraction.  Week five just passed and now we're entering week six.  She's already in the acceptance and moving on phase.  This whole Julia business has been a gigantic pain the ass and midterms are coming up, I need to study.  Time to ramp up the engine.

(God, rereading the first paragraph makes me sound like a callous asshole.  I not so sure about the zero declaration... there goes that indecisiveness again.)

On another note, I met Dean Bailey today.  She's nice and an ISTJ too.  Conversational exchange was decent though I did notice something.  When I asked her if New York was as cold as San Francisco, she paused for approximately 2.5 seconds, indicating that she had to think about what I asked.  At the same time I noticed that I said San Francisco off key, so there is a high probability that I screwed up on saying that and she didn't understood.  Must modify that.

Addendum:  There is something I learned from this.  NEVER, EVER immediately determine zero chance with a woman by statistical probability.  Next time, I'll explain my circumstances and see if they understand.

Note to self:  Start studying, modify speech for clarity and volume increase.
Note to self 2:  Never immediately think that you don't have a chance with a woman.  Always explain your circumstances.  If you're interested in a woman, show that your interested, don't ignore them.  Don't give up so quickly.

Julia...not found

Julia wasn't in my accounting class today nor was she in my econ class on Tuesday.  Where did she go, what happened?  Could she have dropped both classes?  Would she when two midterms are coming up?  Or maybe she's skipping classes to study or maybe she's sick.  I just don't know.

This leads me to another thought.  Am I in the twilight zone or the matrix?  Am I the little kid with super powers that can make people disappear with his mind?  The reason I'm even pondering is because when I want something, it happens.  When I was growing up, the teachers that were bullying me would have horrible stuff happen to them, without me having to lift a finger.  When I was in high school and middle school, I was considered to be "the" loser, so low on the social ladder, I wasn't even on it.  Yet, when I was attracted to one of those hot, popular girls, I would later find out they were attracted to me too.   When I declare a zero probability with a girl, they would just simply vanish, gone from my life forever.  I was too quick to declare zero probability with Julia, did that happen to her too?  Bah, I'm starting to sound like a delusional schizophrenic.  Let's see what happens in econ.

Ms. Bailey, if you're reading this, Happy Chinese New year.

Hispanic dude at the Village

I saw the Hispanic guy again while walking to the UAS meeting.  He didn't seem that happy to see me.  we talked for less than a minute and we both went our separate ways.  I said bye and he didn't even bother responding.  What the hell?  What did I do?  How the hell did I piss him off?  Every time he greets me, I smile and say hi and wave, standard greeting protocol, non-offensive in the least. Bah, screw it, maintain minimal contact.  My initial intuition was right.  Strangely enough, I never knew his name, I didn't think he knew mine either.  Meh.

I've regressed.  I met one of the officers at UAS named Nicole.  She said I never met you before, I simply responded with my name.  No smile, no handshake.  Crap.  Screwed up on that one.

If the Hindus and the Buddhists are right and there is such a thing as reincarnation then I want to come back as a dog.  Their "social conventions" are simply sniffing each other's butts and then start humping.  It's pretty much like being a man but without having to deal all the other bullshit.

Note to self:  Remember to greet others with a smile and handshake.

Why do I do this to myself?

I can't stop thinking about Julia now.  Why do I keep doing this to myself?  When a woman falls for me, I dismiss it as though it is nothing, but when they start falling out of it, I try my best to regain their attention.  It always end up blowing up in my face.  Why do I keep doing this to myself?  Am I some kind of subconscious sadist hell bent on torturing myself and the women who care about me?  I do care about them, I am attracted to them, but why can't and why won't I express it?  I keep telling myself to change, but I never do.  I keep trying to fix myself, but it's like telling a blind man to fix a car he can't touch.  First Katherine, now possibly Julia...

Note to self:  End this.  Stop dismissing women who are attracted to you.  Show affection, show that you care, show that you reciprocate...

Final Contact and Statistical Outliers

After last week's further analysis of my contact with Julia, I'm deciding to get in contact one more time.  Her body language that day indicated that she was shy and nervous around me.  I asked her if she wanted to get something to eat, and she said that she has work, which is the truth.  At the time, I thought she turned me down, but thinking back, she immediately started searching for something in her tote bag.  Was she trying to give me her number?  It's a huge stretch and it's pure supposition, but I can't help but wonder.  I was hoping that she would talk to me today since I showed interest last week, but she immediately left class today.  This leaves two possibilities, 1) She lost all interest or 2) She is afraid of being rejected again.  This thursday will be considered final contact.  I will try to talk to her and ask if she wants to get something to eat, if she doesn't then I'll just explain why I didn't ask her out last year.  After that, relationship probability will be determined to be zero and we'll both go our separate ways.

I have never met anyone like Julia before.  Julia is an extremely beautiful blonde girl and I have never seen a beautiful blonde girl so adamant in chasing after an Asian guy, like me.  She is a major sociological statistical outlier, an outlier that I simply dismissed.  I think she was a freshman when she and I first met, and I ended up breaking her heart.  No one should experience that in their first year at college.  Seeing her so upset for the last three weeks and for the last year has been slowly eating away at me because I was attracted to her the entire time.  But I couldn't show any emotion, any affection, any interest all for the sake of accomplishing my objectives.  Now that it's almost over, I can't stop pondering what could have been.  If this is truly over, then I've learned something from this, human beings are not data points, at least not on an interpersonal scale.  Always take a chance and give a chance to everyone.

Note to self:  Never dismiss a chance with anyone.  Talk to Julia on Thursday, explain yourself and your actions, if she lost interest.