I've been thinking about what I should do after I leave, and aside from my previous objectives listed before, I need to do the following:
- Get out more, spend more time outside and talking to people
- Constantly modify dress code to fit in with general population
- Get professional stylist, current buzzcut is cheap and simple but gives off too much of a military vibe
- Pick up new interests and hobbies such as painting, art, instruments
- Become a better conversationalist with more interesting things to say.
- Keep relaxing body language and behavior, don't analyze too much.
- Use sun block, skin tans too easily
- Go with the flow in everything
- Listen to intuition when it comes to relationships
- Keep smiling and waving to others.
- Be more expressive of how you feel, never bottle it up
- Be more empathetic
I saw Dean Bailey today at the village front desk. I smiled, waved, and said hi with no negative physiological effects at all. That's good, though time from initial contact to greeting could be faster. I also just waved and said hi to a security guy outside my window and I wasn't nervous. Got to keep on pushing forward, can't regress.
Update: Just got my programming final score, 93%. Great went from 3rd overall in the class to #6. Overall percentage of 95.98%. Meh, at least it's a flat A, hopefully.
Addendum: I created a LinkedIn account several weeks ago and connected with several people. I also searched up some of the people I knew in the past. Man, they've already accomplished so much, if this was a race then I'm already several hundred miles behind. A lot of them were econ majors like me, Ruby and Andrew. Don't know if that should make me feel better or not. Sigh, should've grown a spine and told my parents that I will not go to UCSD no matter what. Should've went to San Francisco State like I wanted.
Update: Just got my programming final score, 93%. Great went from 3rd overall in the class to #6. Overall percentage of 95.98%. Meh, at least it's a flat A, hopefully.
Addendum: I created a LinkedIn account several weeks ago and connected with several people. I also searched up some of the people I knew in the past. Man, they've already accomplished so much, if this was a race then I'm already several hundred miles behind. A lot of them were econ majors like me, Ruby and Andrew. Don't know if that should make me feel better or not. Sigh, should've grown a spine and told my parents that I will not go to UCSD no matter what. Should've went to San Francisco State like I wanted.
Thank you for your posts. I came across your blog in my search to see if there's been a study of MBTI type distribution at UCSD. I feel a little sad that I found this so late, especially since our paths may have intersected just a tiny bit between Fall 2011 and June 2012, my first year at UCSD. I suffered from social anxiety too (and I've gotten better, but must keep from backsliding). I look at your posts and can so relate to your thought process, especially when interacting with people (reading them, overanalyzing them, sort of whipping ourselves for making a blunder that they probably didn't think that much about in the end anyway) and trying to vary your responses to not sound like a bot. Haha.
ReplyDeleteIt's so weird and amazing to have come across your experiences. We have so much in common, even our childhood bully experiences. I know that social anxiety is common at UCSD, but I hadn't met anyone who articulated their thought processes so well as you have here. I wanted to hug you and get to know you better in person, but the time for that has already passed, as you have graduated and moved on for your career pursuits. I could feel the pain you have in saying goodbye, in missed opportunities, and also regrets. Perhaps it's the regretful and wistful tone you use here. I feel that since you are conscious and aware of the process of dealing with social anxiety, you will get better. You seem like a wonderful, thoughtful and insightful person. I regret that I was never able to meet you while you were at UCSD. Or maybe it'd be creepy for us to meet, since we both think so much alike. We'd be talking while analyzing each other and maybe being nervous about accidentally making any body mannerisms that may be misinterpreted as boredom/rudeness by the other observant person. *shivers* :)
And to your tag line, don't rewrite your personality. I used to hate myself for being an introvert, but now I love it. And there are so many wonderful things about being an INTJ that I would love to have.