As I stated in my earlier post, I slept well last night. Very well. I haven't slept that well in a long time. I guess it's because I finally fulfilled the need of my subconscious. I desperately wanted to get away from "subject" while my subconscious desperately wanted to be with "subject". I was in constant conflict with myself and my thinking was blurred. However with the end of the sub-experiment and permanent termination of contact with "subject", my subconscious has now been finally subdued. I no longer have any doubt nor indecisiveness in my decision making process. I am now content and moving forward.
I believe the reason I referenced and mentioned "subject" so much is because she symbolized my own personal failings; my inability to make a final decisive choice and sticking with it, my inability to let go, my inability to become emotionally close to another person and forgiving them. She represented the conflict within my own subconsciousness. Did I genuinely like her? Did I genuinely care for her? Yes, I did, but that part died or at least should have died a long time ago. The feelings I felt were merely a combination of remnant emotions and the conflict that resided within me. Time to move on.
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