I've been re-analyzing my message to Stephanie. Reading it from an objective point of view, I come off as a dick. My message was suppose to be an explanation, but it came off as a little bit too assholish. I'm too blunt and cold when it comes to conversations and text. I'll need to work on that.
I've been thinking about Julie and I...don't feel...anything. Perhaps it's because I've done this song and dance one too many times already or perhaps my emotional suppression conditioning is becoming more effective. Whatever it is, I'm not feeling anything. When I lost Katherine, I went into a deep depression for a year, same thing with Rosalyn. But with Julie, it's just...nothing. Perhaps it's because she and I never really bonded. Whatever it is, she's gone, time to move on.
Thinking about Julie made me assess my "love life" during the last three years. Nothing, no relationship, would have worked out. Not with Julie, not with Julia, not with Yuri, Michelle, Anni, or any other girl who were interested in me. I'm too concentrated on the future, and my future is not here in San Diego or Southern California for that matter. When I first met Julie, for some reason I thought she would be a girl I could have a long term relationship with, even after college. I realize now that she was looking for fun only, not the type looking to settle down. I shouldn't let any woman distract me, I need to start a career first.
Note to self: Work on communications, don't be so blunt and cold.
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