Did I destroy what was suppose to happen and somehow altered the course of my life? When I was younger, I could "sense" things. I would have dreams and premonitions and months later they would happen. I'm starting to wonder if I changed something that caused me to nose dive this quarter. I mean I did pretty well on my first ochem midterm then everything went to hell. That was after I acted like an asshole to Julie. I'm not saying that the universe or the timeline is somehow conscious and is actively punishing me for it because that would be crazy, but what if it's possible. When I do something stupid, something horrible even though I believe myself to be in the right, I would get this chill down my spine and somehow I knew I would get punished for it. I bombed nearly all my midterms and all my finals this quarter, but yet I feel nothing at all. No panicking, no breaking down, no freaking out. What's going on with me?
The endless cycle continues. Another year, another repeat. Last year when everybody finally moved out, when that hellish nightmare was finally over, I broke down and cried. I sacrificed everything to win. Potential friendships, potential relationships, I sacrificed every one of those to achieve victory over my shitty roommates. A pyrrhic victory. One of those potential relationships I sacrificed was one with Julie, but I was stubborn at the time and regretted it later on. Then I became a stubborn asshole again and am now regretting it over again. Some things never change.
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