I'm back in San Francisco and I'm freezing my ass off. The weather has been surprisingly nice lately, it was still sunny and bright outside even though it was around eight pm. I went to the doctor yesterday for a standard checkup and all the folks there were taking notice of my vibram shoes. I was answering questions left and right and it helped me practice my sociability skills a bit. It was nice, but I should go out more instead of laying in bed for the next week or so.
I came back from eating out at a restaurant with my relatives for father's day. Their behavior around me doesn't seem that welcoming. I've been thinking, what if I'm simply unlikable. I kept on changing myself for the people around me throughout my life. When I talked too much, I shut up. When I was too quiet, I opened up. When I was boring, I became interesting. So on, so forth, but I am seldom accepted by people. Maybe I'm simply unlikable no matter what I do.
Addendum: It's the next day and I can't stop thinking about Julie. I don't know why, but the more and more I think about, the more I feel that I made a mistake in rejecting her even though I was attracted to her. I screwed up so fucking bad. I should have forgiven her and tried to start a relationship with her. Both of us wanted it to happen but I was too stupid and stubborn to let go of my grudge. I fucked up. A long time ago, I promised myself to start a relationship with any girl who was interested. Julie was interested and I destroyed it. I'm a fucking idiot, I deserve my loneliness.
Note to self: Don't say stupid redundant shit. Start a relationship with any girl who is interested.
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