Journey's End (?)

Right now, I'm sitting in Geisel with tears rolling down my cheeks.  I failed, I failed to change who I am and what I am.  I've been here for two years, and what have I accomplished?  NOTHING, NOTHING at all.  I pushed away every girl that was attracted to me.  Julie, Julia, Shannon, several others, all gone.  I could have been close friends with Ian, Mazza, and many others but I screwed that up too.  The other INTJs were right, it's impossible to change what we are, no matter how hard we try.  I feared that my fate would be one of isolation and loneliness, but now it's pretty much confirmed.  I spent my entire life looking in from the outside and being away from others.  When others invite me to join them, I always refused.  I was so full of fear and hesitation that I limited myself and any potential social life.  Now it's too late to even have one, I cannot even relate to average person.  I am now on the very fringe of the fringe.  I always thought that others had abandoned me, but now I see the truth, it was I that abandoned them.  I realize now that I have no future.  I don't know what to do now, except to keep moving.  Aimlessly, drifting from place to place. For the time being, I'm putting this project on ice.

Several weeks ago, I brought a small cross necklace to bring about a sense of change, and a sense of peace.  Nothing changed.  When I first put it on, I felt a sudden relief from all my burdens, but I soon realized that I felt even emptier than before.  I don't even know why I thought it would help.  When I was younger, I prayed to God to release me from this life, this pain and suffering, but I never received a response.  God has forsaken me and the Devil himself has rejected me. I have nothing and I have no one now.

Dean Bailey, if you're reading this, I want to tell you that I've been reading your body language.  It seems as though you're apprehensive when you see me.  I'm sure you also noticed that we been bumping into each a lot more than what would be expected, I assure you it's purely coincidental.  Thank you for caring.