One Year and Alone

Summer's coming to an end and I can't help but look back at the last two years.  What exactly have I accomplished?  I've become more outgoing and made some acquaintances like Darvarsh and this guy name Imir.  I'm also more social around people and gotten along well my summer roommates.  It seems like I'm making good progress but I still feel like I have an empty hole in my body.  I feel so alone.  Is this what life is going to be like for me for the rest of my life?  Constantly moving from one place to another, never achieving or establishing any deep, meaningful relationships despite my constant attempts to do so?  Am I going to spend every Friday night and the weekends by myself surfing the internet?  God, I'm so lonely.

I've been thinking about Julie lately, over and over again.  I keep on wondering whether that was her that day, near OVT when some girl yelled, "hey, do you want to get some ice cream?!"  Maybe it was her and I screwed up or maybe its just wishful thinking, either way, I should have investigated further.  Maybe I should message her over Facebook, I doubt she'll respond.  The situation with Julia has simply fizzled out.  Every now and then, I notice that she would look to see if it was me if I was right at the corner of her eye.  I should investigate further, but I doubt anything is going come out of it.  I've been planning to type up the notes for MGT 132 and sending it to her over Facebook, it's the least I can do I guess.

One other high note during this summer is meeting Professor Tang in my econ class.  Dear God, she's both brilliant and beautiful.  She makes going to class worth it but she makes it super hard to concentrate.  Heh, I always had a thing for intelligent and older women. Strangely enough, I think she's attracted to me too. During my first day, I noticed that she took noticed of me when I walked in.  She stared a couple of seconds, broke contact and stared again a couple of seconds later.  A week ago, she was talking about a topic and when she at looked me, she froze up and stared at me with her mouth open for four whole seconds.  She then shook it off and turned back to the class to continue the lecture.  I was wearing a tight fitting polo shirt that day.  Was she attracted to me?  There was another time when she looked up from her notes, made eye contact with me, and immediately looked back down.  That's the type of thing that shy girls tend to do.  I must be imagining things, though it wouldn't be first time an older women was attracted to me.  Man, I would be lucky to be with a woman who is like Professor Tang.  If such a day ever comes.

Note to self:  Remember to maintain good posture while sitting and standing.  Remember to raise eyebrows when smiling.