Leah sat next to me on Thursday, I was surprised, but it's most likely that she was late. I noticed that every time she talked to me, I get the feeling that she thinks I'm annoyed by her. I also noticed that I have a hard time talking to someone if they are sitting right next to me. I also forgot to smile when looking at her. I pretty much screwed it up, she didn't sit next to me today. I believe I am experiencing massive regression. When some guy said "Welcome to Goody's", I only looked at him and smiled. Recent conversations with people have shown that I cannot even maintain eye contact any more when talking to someone. It seems as though I break eye contact after a certain amount of time. My little brother says it looks like an eye roll even though it isn't. I hope people aren't interpreting it that way. I also talked with Mike a bit and it was a mess. I mumbled, stuttered and didn't know what to say. God, I'm fucked, two years here and I'm reverting back to what I am before I got here. God, if you're watching, can you please just put an end to my suffering right now? Thanks.
I'm slowly becoming more and more accepting that deep down inside, I don't actually want to be with anyone. Even though consciously, I want to have many close friends and a relationship, it seems as though my subconsciousness doesn't and it shows. Maybe someday I'll completely accept it, but for now I'll keep on trying to change.
On another note, it seems like the The Village Tower East is housing families. I keep seeing a bunch of kids running around and entire families coming out of there. Are they turning it into an actual apartment?
Note to self: Be happy when seeing and meeting people.
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