I saw Jeremy tonight at the laundry room, but I didn't bother saying hi or bother speaking to him. In fact I tried to avoid him, it worked and I shouldn't have done that. I met several other people at the laundry tonight. One was Vincent, I helped him pay for his laundry. When he was leaving he shook my hand and I returned the gesture, and said nice to meet you. However, I sensed he was unnerved by me. This is the same thing with Catherine, an econ major transfer, that I met while watching Criminal Minds. Standard meet and greet procedure, but I noticed that she looked down to her left, indicating internal dialog. I guess my facial expression spooked her. This is getting tiresome, I keep modifying my behavior but I keep regressing. Are any of the things I do going to be permanent or am I going to have to keep reminding myself? I am losing faith.
Why do I do this? Why do I push away every women that's attracted to me? I'm not gay, I'm straight, but I just keep pushing women away. One after the other, gone, gone, gone. How long can I keep going like this? Eventually the amount of single women attracted to me will run out and it will be all over. I can't let that happen, I must accept and not push away women. May God have mercy upon my soul and may it please guide me to salvation.
Note to self: Smile when greeting people, be happy when meeting people. Act like a 5 year old. Don't push away women. Be comfortable with yourself, and be yourself because women will like you for who you are. Be able to make fun of yourself.
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