I saw OVT Stephanie today working the cashier station. When she said hi, she didn't even make eye contact. I'm guessing she's upset at me too. Sigh. It might have been because I didn't say hi to her several weeks ago. I didn't say hi because she was talking to someone and I didn't want to bother her. Fucking hell, I'm an idiot. Another loss, gotta keep moving. I'm tired of this shit, the stupid little nuances that is involved in social interaction with people, it's so complex and subtle that it's driving me insane. One part of me wants to be a part of humanity, but another part simply wants to hide away because of the amount of bullshit I have to deal with. I want to give up, but I can't, I must keep moving.
Due to the amount of insanity I have to deal with, I noticed that my misanthropy have increased significantly since I started this project. I've isolated myself more and more, I tend to notice the little quirks and ticks of various people and tend to be annoyed by it. I'm finding solitude to be more of a necessity rather than a want. Maybe this is how the rest of my life is going to be.
Note to self: Say hi to people even if they or you are busy. Smile by widening eyes.
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