The tremors, they're coming back. The aspect that I hate most about my social anxiety is the physical toll it takes on me, not just the psychological portion. I don't know how it's possible but for some reason, every time I'm anxious or doubting myself, my brain feels like someone is gripping it tightly and something is crawling inside various parts of my body. I absolutely hate it and it's been getting worst for the last two weeks. Two times already, I stared at my teacher not knowing how to respond, like a deer in headlights. One of my greatest fear is to be targeted for retribution by a teacher. I wouldn't be surprised if he hated my guts.
Since I was a little kid, I've been targeted by virtually everyone, from classmates to total strangers on the street. Due to such events, I've became reclusive and introverted, and with it I lost my understanding on what is right and what is wrong when it comes to social etiquette. This has made it even worst. I always do something wrong and end up offending people, making me more reclusive. It's basically a self perpetuating system. Hopefully I can break the cycle.
On another note, I made a post a long time ago about a girl that works at OVT, apparently her name is Stephanie. She's nice and strangely I don't feel the compulsion to avoid her. Maybe I'm making progress in the part.
Note to self: Learn manners and acceptable social behaviors.
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