It's almost the end of the year, another year has come and gone just like that in the blink of an eye. It's amazing how fast time flies. I still remember the day I moved to UCSD, the day 9/11 happened, the day the tsunami struck Indonesia, earthquake in Haiti etc. All of those events happened years ago, but I still remember them like it was yesterday. Even so, I never bothered to look back and reflect upon it. I never gave a thought about what my life was like. I simply kept going. This year is going to be different.
Ever since I started this "reprogramming project", I've been questioning how effective has it been and whether it is helping me or not. Let's take a look back. Since the project started, I have become more social and met new acquaintances, though it is like a ebb and flow thing. I terminated relations with Phoebe, not sure if that was a good or bad thing now. I managed to screw up relations with several girls like Shannon, Catherine, Stephanie, and Julia. Nice huh? I've become more emotional which results in angry outbursts. And of course, last but not least, I am deciding to terminate contact with my relatives. Seems like a whole bunch of negatives to me. I have to ask whether if this is a kind of "rebirthing" process or am I just simply digging myself a deeper hole. I don't want to spend another year like this, second guessing myself and wondering where my life is going. I hope next year is better.
Note to self: Remember what the project is about: gain confidence, self esteem, be more more outgoing and become more sociable without becoming an asshole. Be a kind person, and act natural, not creepy or weird.
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